Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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