You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
