Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i dont even know how to be here
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
