Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
