The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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