I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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