I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize