Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is wine microwaveable?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
