ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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