im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
