Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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