Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
did i just pee glitter
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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