I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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