My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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