Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
