no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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