so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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