You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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