I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
