Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
