All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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