Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
tell me about the eggs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
