right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
