my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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