You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
