I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
