I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
