dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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