we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
