I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
