She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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