it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The ass gains better be worth it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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