apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Congratulations! We have a period
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
