Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Boobs are out for the taking
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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