In America we eat man semen.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
