I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
please come you make the beer taste better
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
