I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
