Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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