I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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