The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
