Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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