Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
