I wish I could teleport
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
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