I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize