Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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