Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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