Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
