I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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