I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think a kid would responsible me up
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
