the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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