I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
