I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
