There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
