now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
