Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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