Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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