dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize