In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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