What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
