Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
