The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
