You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
